Update: Wicklow GAA Online would like to confirm that the Rathnew/St.Patricks amalgamation is not going ahead following overwhelming support from everyone out there. This day, April 1^st, shall be remembered as a momentous moment in Wicklow GAA history.

Pat yerselves on the back all those who supported our cause. In other news, Aughrim has been shortlisted to host an open air visit by US President Barrack Obama. More on that as we get it.

Original Report: Rathnew & St.Patricks GAA have sent shockwaves throughout the county after announcing their intention to amalgamate the two clubs to create one ‘Super’ Club for Hurling & Football.

The decision, which has come after months of negotiations, will no doubt send a message to clubs in the west of the county, who have traditionally provided tough opposition for both east coast clubs.

Reports have suggested part of the reasoning behind the formation of The Rat Pat’s is to create a hurling stronghold and a merging of resources to reaffirm the strong footing football has in this county.

No confirmation has been given as to what venue will be used for games, although suggestions have been made that they will be rotated.

A new local TV production company, Aibreán Amadán, is set to be interested in providing sponsorship. Director of Aibreán Amadán, John Winters, spoke to us last night. “My father is from Wicklow Town and my Mother is from Rathnew, so once I heard this plan I was eager to get behind it. Both clubs are looking to grow and similar to our production company, they want set the trend and create a future for the up and coming stars in the area.”

Wicklow GAA Online, in it’s capacity as an independent fan site, vehemently opposes this move. Both clubs have proud traditions and roots well engrained in their communities.

We ask all users of our site to sign this petition, which we will in turn pass onto the Rathnew/Patricks Boards for consideration.

Click here to sign petition. Thank you for your support.

Now, I’m no Einstien. I can be at times I can be incredibly dumb. More through the sheer laziness of my brain to be bothered than anything else, but if I don’t know the facts behind something, as a rule, I keep my mouth shut to avoid falling flat on my face.

But there is a certain kind of idiot that thrives in Ireland. The ignorance to generally anything they encounter. And a few of them hover on the border of GAA only to jump right in come May.

They are The Idiots.

They’re everywhere.

The trouble with Dublin is that there are so many of them. And if we go by the logic that there are idiots everywhere, then we can only assume that there are a higher number of idiots in Dublin than anywhere else.

So the odds of you coming across one this week were pretty high.

I think I came across the Queen Idiot. The Shining Peach in a Basket of Misshapen Fruit. The ‘complete and utter’ of ‘complete and utters’ around.

This is a person who claims to train a U-15’s GAA Team. A woman who by her own definition was a ‘fair auld player in her day’. An individual, who in the presentation fo her arguements comes across as someone who isn’t merely joinging in, but insisting that you listen to her because she’s a bloody authority on everything she discuss.

She proceeded to appear beside my desk in work, frustrated and, well, slightly distant.

“Did you see the game yesterday?” Sha-She.

“I did.” Says I.

“Ah wouldn’t you feel sorry for Dublin?” Sha-She.

“Why, Kerry blew them away. They weren’t good enough.”

“Wha-?” Sha-She. Sha-She Continued.” I thought they played well.”

“Played well? Ah now, they didn’t play anywhere near well. They were like headlights caught in front of a massive Deer.”

“Hmmm.” Her counter argument was chilling and decisive in equal measure.

Then she went onto say probably the most stupid thing I’ve heard this year. And I’ve heard a lot of stupid things this year. This though, well….

“Do you know what really pi***s me off? (She felt the need to swear. She was THAT angry)” She carried on. “The fact that the likes of Mayo and Meath are still in the All-Ireland and Dublin aren’t. Sure they’re rubbish.”

I’ll give you a moment to absorb that.

In fact read it again.

“Do you know what really pi***s me off?” She carried on. “The fact that the likes of Mayo and Meath are still in the All-Ireland and Dublin aren’t. Sure they’re rubbish.”

At first I could only stare.

Let’s look at the facts. Meath have won 4 games this year. Dublin has won 3. Mayo is unbeaten this year. Let’s move on from that and look at it historically shall we.

Since Dublin last won the All-Ireland in 1995, Mayo have appeared in 4 All-Ireland Finals and who could forget the beating they gave the Dub’s in the Semi in 2006. Meath have appeared in 3 All-Ireland Finals since 1995 and won 2 of them.

And as Alan so powerfully pointed out, even Wicklow have been more successful than the Dub’s this year. Wicklow, won 4 championship games. Dublin Won 3. Wicklow and Dublin played each other once this year. Wicklow prevailed by 3 Points.

So when this was put to her, she hummed and hawed and just went:

“Yeah well, but still I dunno. Hmmmm.” Sha-She.

Sha-She’s an idiot.  And will probably now hibernate from the world of GAA until next years Championship.

“League? League you say? Why I have no idea what a League is. Is it Brown?”

It was a shocking game though. Kerry was just incredible in the first 35. You could only stand back and admire not only the performance but expression of ‘I Told You So’ in every single thing they done that day.

It’s going to be tough for either Meath or Mayo that’s for sure. But sure in the land of optimism that is Meath, they are already laying out the mattresses for the big drop they are collectively expecting on Sunday. I can be guaranteed to go into my local in Dunshaughlin on Staurday night and here the usual, ‘Sure, it’ll end tomorrow’ and a few ‘Too small. No Fight in them’.

I reckon we should bottle Wicklow fans and sell them to other counties. Christ they need them badly. They’ll have to wait though; hopefully all the GAA supporters in Wicklow will be too busy with the Club Championships now that it’s starting in full flow. Lets get behind your club and show your colours for all to see. I can tell you now, I’ll be sick to my back teeth telling people in work that the Blue and White doesn’t stand for Waterford.

I work in Dublin though. No accounting for…

(PS – A Big WOO HOO to Tony Hannon for getting Footballer of the Month for July! Congrats and Deserved!)

Eh…Kerry?

Even Spillane wrote them off, but he’s been cranky all year if we’re being honest. Everyone had a feeling the Kingdom would raise their game and quash rumblings of a decline. By god did they raise it.

Cork

No doubt they would relish a match against Kerry at the end of September. They blew Donegal away on Sunday.

Tyrone

That O’Neill chap is some man to kick a ball, Tyrone march towards a clash with Kildare and a possible rematch of the 2008 All-Ireland Final.

Meath

Got to be honest with you, living up in Meath myself, and their not the most optimistic bunch of people in the country. Yet they have a day out in Croke Park to look forward to against a Mayo side that put in a massive performance against Galway, but can they put in another against Meath?

Intelligent, yet bitter because he’s a Meath Man, point of the week.

A point in the argument sense, not the score sense. Colm Coyle made a strong case for kicking the Dubs out of the Hill (24 hours before Kerry did). Why should the Dubs get the option to buy the cheaper tickets for the hill? The Hill should be split and sent to the Counties of those involved to distribute.

Bad Week

Eh…Dublin?

Hidden behind a veil of Brilliance and God Like status by the Dublin Media & Print, Dublin was found out in the strongest fashion in front of the whole nation. Seeing fans walk out of a game so early is a disgrace and not fair to the Dublin players and Management who have put in the work this year and still won another Leinster. Booing your own team in GAA is something that just cannot be put into words.

Ciaran Whelan

Gentleman. Role Model. Good Loser. Words not applicable to this gifted midfielder with a flawed temperament. His elbow late on could be his last significant contribution to the Dublin Senior Football Team.

Donegal

The nature of their collapse against Cork was Car Crash Football™. It was horrifying, slightly sad, yet you just had to look to see how bad it could get.

Limerick/Stephen Lucey/Dodgy Decisions

1 Point down, 1 Minute and 20 Seconds into 2 minutes of Injury Time. Lucey is penalised for over carrying 16 Metres from the Posts. They stayed 1 point down and their Championship year ended.

Kildare

They only lost by 2 Points in the end. They only beat us by 4. So by definition, we are only 6 points behing the All-Ireland Champions. Now that’s progress lads, that’s progress!

The weeks of tension, excitement and sheer unexplainable craziness is over.

But what weeks of tension, excitement and sheer unexplainable craziness they were. It was an incredible summer to be from Wicklow. An incredible time to bear witness to. Those outside the county may be a little baffled at why these games meant so much. After all, we got knocked out. And those outside the county probably don’t understand what these wins feel like. Especially if you’re from Carlow. They’ve struggled to find out what any win feels like. For us though, a county that loves there GAA, but hasn’t had the chance to witness a run like this before.

It dawned on me just what this meant one night lying in bed. All I could think about was the game the previous weekend, the game that was to come. Think about buying the papers and see what words they’d print about Wicklow. What news would travel the airwaves to my TV. The feeling going into work and talking to people about the Team, about the wins. And on the final whistle against Kildare, the sheer drop of losing that.

Have to say, I broke down. I wasn’t caught on National Television like Alan. That was iconic. Like the little kid in Vietnam or that chap standing in front of a tank in Tiananmen Square. Alan and his better half Louise trying to console him. Little did the watching public know, what really upset him was he’d forgotten to SKY+ America’s Got Talent.

He was devastated.

To me though, the tears were not the fact that it was over. It had nothing to do with the wins we had experienced and then the sudden depressing jump to defeat.

It was one simple thing. It was pride.

Pride in my County. And pride in that performance against Kildare.

Everyone was writing us off. That Wicklow would be too tired. Kildare would be too strong. That we were out of our depth. I won’t even go into the idiots on TV3.

And yes, we did get beaten. But by Jesus it’s something when you can walk away from defeat and be as proud as we all should be of the performance Wicklow put in. We rattled them good. With a little luck, with a better choice or two, we would have beaten them. And for anyone who watched that game, that wouldn’t have been a shock.

The following week, people in Work still came up to me about Wicklow, saying we were robbed, we were brilliant. Still even in defeat, Wicklow had this strange pull people’s affections. On the romance of the underdog.

But I discovered something that made me smile, knowingly, like a villain in a Bond movie. I even went so far to kidnap/catnap my neighbour’s cat, tip-ex it white and sit on a big chair.

It’s genius.

It really is.

For so long, Wicklow has come short in making a dent on the history records, on making a mark that is justified. Rathnew came close and achieved it in some way in 2001/02 Season when they stormed Leinster and missed out on an All-Ireland Club Final. But as a county, we’ve sometimes, well, not been good enough. But I know why now. Wicklow GAA Online can exclusively reveal a document lost in the sands of time and only discovered when the ground shook in Aughrim against Down when Tino (♪♪♪ Tony Hannon’s Magic, He wears a Magic Hat, and when he scored that 45, he said “It’s not about me, the team worked really hard and we kept going right till the end.” ♪♪♪) put the ball against the wind and won it in injury time.

The document decreed that on the day of inception, Wicklow GAA would sacrifice success for long term lovability. To the point where we would be the most inoffensive county in Ireland. No one would hate us, bar them there across the gap. The genius in the plan is as follows; as it comes to fruition, and we started to stir and create the monster that is to come, our successive Leinster Titles and All-Irelands that we would yield over the next twenty years would leave people standing there, shrugging there shoulders saying.

“Well, I should probably hate them for knocking us out…but…I just can’t.”Anto, Drumcondra.

“All credit it to them. It always brings a smile to my face when see them Wicklowers jumping up and down. It’s just so darn cute you see.” Miley Cork

“Fantastyczny zespól. Wonderful graczy. Naprawde wrazeniem tam zbyt wentylatora stronie.” Lozky, Kerry.

Brilliant. On the crest of a wave which is about to wash all in front of it, and no one will ever hate us because we cunningly lay low for over a hundred years.

And now we rise. Oh what a summer.

Lets be real though, these guys are just normal people. With jobs, lives, families, like you and me. The commitment they have shown throughout this year, the passion they have played with.

It’s incredible.

They are doing it for the love of the game and the love of the crest. You’ll see the difference when the ballet dancers of the Premier League come back in August. You didn’t see Leighton Glynn collapse at the slightest whiff of a challenge. No he bounced of them, ran through them, skipped past them. He stayed on his feet. There was no sign of Deano or Seanie sacrificing a chance of a score by trying to con the ref. We watched Hyland mute Johnston, we saw Rory Nolan hit Longfords net. Paul Earls and his iron lungs leaping through the air surrounded by Down players. Mervyn Travers pull off vital saves game after game, while moments before Tony Hannon’s pressure 45, McGrath make a challenge that won us the game as much as anything else. We saw Walsh and Stafford battle through walls and come through the other side, Jacko cause havoc to anyone that came near. Dara O’hAnnaidh make a lazurus like recovery from injury to play an integral part in Wicklow’s defence. McWalter, after countless games go on runs that defied the critics of Wicklows stamina.

To the fallen few, to Damien Power, Alan Byrne and Paddy Dalton among others. To those that stood on the side, ready to step in to those like Darren Hayden, Ciaran Jones and Stephen Kelly who got there chance.

Commitment. Passion. Real people giving all this in the name of our County.

One of the most enduring memories for me was from the Longford Game. When Rory Nolan thundered the ball into the back of the net. We went wild. We done our celebrations and enjoyed the feeling only a goal in GAA can bring. But then I saw him, walking back into position, walking back towards his marker. Alone, away from anyone else.

Fists clenched.

Shouting to himself.

Passion and pride that wasn’t for show, but for real.

It’s things like that, moments like that, which can only make you wonder, do they know what those moments mean to us. And if they do, how can we ever thank them enough.

Waterford Hurlers

5 Points behind to Galway in the closing 5 minutes of the All-Ireland Senior Hurling Quarter Final. Dead and Buried? Not at all, a comeback that shows exactly why this sport is one of the most exciting in the world. John Mullane’s point in the dying seconds saw the deficit breached and victory by the minimum went to Waterford.

Davy Fitzgerald’s reaction alone was worth the admission price.

Kerry

Whatever anyone says about them, thery keep on winning despite not setting the world alight. Dublin in the next round. Full house in Croke Park. If they can’t regroup and get geared up for this one then they may as well forget about it. 

Donegal

Donegal dispose of Galway by the narrowest of margins. One of only 2 Ulster sides remaing…I wonder what happend to the rest.

Lemsip/Motilum

Saw there sales rocket in Meath as the sickly Royals recovered to see off Roscommon by 7. Limerick awaits, and then Mayo. And if they get that far. Dublin. 

Mixed Week

Wicklow

Pride and disappointment in equal measure. Pride in the performances that Wicklow have given in this years Championship. Throwing form, misconceptions about ‘weaker’ teams, and shoddy TV3 analysis out the window. Disappointment in the fact that we won’t have another game. That the buzz will fade away. But what a ride it’s been. What a summer. Stand up and salute our County Team for the fun, tension and downright unmerciful hangovers they have given us this year.

Roll on 2010

Bad Week

Galway Hurlers

See Waterford Hurlers in Good Week for more information…

Waterford Hurlers

See the 2008 All-Ireland Hurling Final for more information…Kilkenny next up…

Galway Footballers

Defeat to Donegal by a point. Hurlers gone too. Bad weekend for the Galwegians.

Antrim

Footballers gave Kerry a good go, falling short late on. Falling way short, in fact falling pretty much 7 or 8 miles in the distance were the Antrim Hurlers who must now face a controversial relegation battle with Wexford after Offaly ran out 1-28 to 0-13 winners against the Saffrons in Parnell Park.

Dublin

The Hurlers, who for some reason seem infinitely more likable than the footballers, saw their Championship come to an end in Thurles against a revitalised Limerick. Despite some strong performances, Dublin will have to look to 2010 where they will cause a lot of problems for whoever has to face them.

Tommy Carr

Watch this space. But the man who saw his side bow out to Wicklow is expected to leave the Job this evening as the Clubs begin to say their piece.

The fact that Michael Jackson has seeped his way into GAA is obscene enough. The fact that he celebrated like an aging Italian striker is a little to much. But for Christ’s sake Conor, if you are going to put yourself in front of the National Glare with an RIP Michael Jackson T-Shirt, at least spell his bloody name right.

It’s Michael, not Micheal. Have a look. See?

Small error?

Maybe.

But even Spellchecker on Microsoft Word is picking it up. And yes, I suppose it could be let go. It’s just the fact that Mortimor brought a pop star into celebrating a significant moment in the connaught final, and that was a little bizarre.

This is GAA.

This is grass roots, communities, dinner dances.

He should have ‘Save Betty’s Shop’ or ‘No T-Junction at Miley’s Cross’.

I mean, at what stage did GAA become a marketing arm for over-hyped, over-paid, over-the hill, ‘haven’t released anything good in twenty years’ musicians?

Look at this weekend. Not content with shutting the history making footballers of Wicklow out of the Croke Park and off to Portlaoise, U2 are digging it up as well so they can put their Seven Thousand foot Crab Claw in the middle of the pitch.

It’s ridiculous. Surely it dawned on someone in the GAA that they may be at an advanced stage in the Qualifiers in July? Someone in HQ could have said, “As good and all as the Joshua Tree is, we might have games on…”

I mean, come on, are they making it up as they go along? Let us put that to one side for a second.

Let us look at Exhibit B. Antrim Hurling and the Relegation from the Liam McCarthy Cup. So we get them and Galway in to spice up the Leinster Championship. We promise them wine, the finest cows, gold hats and three years of getting the opportunity to be beaten by Kilkenny.

Then Antrim find themselves in a four team playoff for relegation from the Liam McCarthy Cup to the Christy Ring. By definition how can they not compete in the Liam McCarthy if they are already guaranteed 3 years in Leinster?

It’s a mess. No one thought it through.

So onto Exhibit C. The question hanging over the legality that the Qualifier draws are done live. It was leaked that KFM had the draw. It spread with the ferocity of a bug through a Meath training session. Limerick! Limerick!

Naturally, we verify all our sources…well…we really did this time. Wicklow GAA Online called up KFM. They confirmed it.

Cut to 10:30om on Sunday. Nice Cup of Tea, a cookie, Widescreen TV especially to capture the true awesomeness of Des Cahill’s head.

“Well despite rumours….” His grinning head cut a stunning silence in my house. There was no silence in Alan’s because his phone was hopping.

So, let’s ask the question. Was the draw done live?

Rumours indeed Des. Have a look through any of the boards. People saying how Inter County players who were involved used to text people the draw hours before it happened. Past RTE Staff saying draws were not live.

How many times did Cahill say the draw was live? That there was no draw despite rumours? Why should RTE have to answer to anyone unless there was something to hide? Sure he said it was originally scheduled for 10pm by his own admission. Why move it till 10:30pm?

I know, I know. It’s not exactly a conspiracy of JFK magnitude or Watergate. But it leaves us asking questions.

And leaves us facing Kildare.

It is now close on 2 Months since Wicklow’s Championship season began.

Two months!

5 Games later, 4 wins later, we find ourselves facing another side that are part of an already historic day for Wicklow GAA.

Kildare.

Who can forget last years victory in Croke Park? Who thought you would ever feel as proud of the Wicklow Senior Football Team than that day?

It was an incredible day. An incredible feeling. There are very few moments in life like that, and very few days like last Saturday’s victory against Down. The manner in which we won, the passion that was shown. From McGrath’s last ditch and brilliant tackle in the square late on to Paul Earls swooping eagle-like across 4 Down players to capture the ball. The Agony of Staffords miss to the breath holding, eye clenching, funny-face-making, stranger hugging joy of Tino’s Injury Time point.

How many hero’s out there? How many men that brought thousand of people to a complete stop and then brought them a moment they will not forget?

No fear.

Kildare.

Who gives a damn. Bring on Kerry, Galway bring on any of them.

Wicklow has nothing to fear. They have brought us through two months of memories that will last for a hell of a long time. They have shot GAA in the county with a boost that is going to be felt for years.

No matter what happens, Wicklow have done us proud. Given us more than anyone could have expected.

Every player that walks on the field will have every single person in Wicklow screaming for them, praying for them.

Proud of them.

Nothing to fear, but fear itself.

Maybe Dermot Earley. Yeah.

Nothing to fear, but fear itself and Dermot Early.

Yeah. That’s about right.

Roll on Saturday.

Wicklow

Let me tell you, if there was one person with Swine Flu in Aughrim on Saturday, there’s thousands with it now. I’ve never seen so much unprovoked hugging in my life. Tears fell down the faces of grown men and women. People denounced their wedding day and declared the 18th July the best day of their lives.

All 15 Men who ran the turf became legends. Sport is about joy, about passion. And when the final whistle went, Aughrim reverberated with just that.

James Stafford

An act of of selflessness I have never seen the like of before in my life. How much of a mate was James Stafford when he chose to give Tony Hannon the opportunity to become a hero? His skill in judging the kick so it would ricochet off for a 45 was the stuff of legends.

Leighton Glynn

Grounded with a viral infection all week. Leighton Glynn charged into the game with the ferocity we’ve come to expect from the Glenealy Man, brushing aside any sneeze that dare challenge him. To reword a popular Chuck Norris phrase; Leighton Glynn doesn’t get sick. Sick gets Leighton Glynn.

Tony Hannon

4:30 Minutes in to Injury Time. ‘Nuff said.

Mervyn Travers

How many one on ones has he stopped this year? Immense.

Mayo

Galway came back at them, but they looked impressive. With a little luck, and if they steer clear of Wicklow, Mayo could surprise all lot of people come September.

Again, Wicklow

Don’t want to harp on about this. Well, I do. Incredible game, incredible run, incredible summer. Everyone involved in the team, from Micko to the Groundsman, from the 15 to everyone on the panel. You gave us a day to remember, and for that, you’ll never be forgotten.

Bad Week

Ross Carr

Could be it for him. The decision to take off Hanna and replace him with Junior didn’t pay off. He joins the ‘I went to Aughrim and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt’ Club.

Ulster’s Travelling fans.

Left Aughrim for the third week in a row with nothing but a long journey ahead of them.

Sligo

So close to putting Kerry out of the Championship. But as their captain said, Moral victories will get you nowhere. Spare a thought for poor auld David Kelly. Cracker of a performance, but it will be the penalty miss late on that will haunt him for the coming months.

KFM

Right. We saw the carrot and jumped on it. By Carrot, I mean Limerick and by jumped on it, I mean published the ‘draw’. But in our defence, they called it live on air. Saying they had the rights and that the RTE Draw wasn’t live. Wicklow GAA Online called up, and they reconfirmed it on air.

Des ‘Seriously, it’s live. We didn’t have to Draw the Teams Again at all’ Cahill

And his ever expanding smug head.

Wicklow

Where else can we start? 3 wins in the Championship so far. Unlucky not to beat Westmeath in normal time, let alone extra-time. Home draw for the third successive qualifier. This man O’Dwyer, he’s a keeper. Now I think the County Council should put up diversions for the Down game. Make them travel every little back road and village in the county. Knacker them out. I’ll put that to my councillor today.

Leinster Football

Okay. Alright. I know Dublin won their 5^th Leinster Title in a row, but how refreshing was it to watch a contest for a change. The smallest winning margin since 2005, you have to give enormous credit to Kildare for the way they reacted after going 1-03 down after 6 or 7 minutes. And where it’s due, credit to Dublin for playing 50 odd minutes with 14 men after Ger Brennan’s rush of blood to the elbow. (Although, still not as impressive as beating an Ulster Side with 13 Men)

Ducks

God it was miserable over the weekend. Anyone see the Sunday game? Wexford, Galway Camogie match? How they managed to play on a pitch like that is beyond me. Rain fell heavily across most games played this weekend and it’s a wonder how not even one was called off. Rumours of people arriving in Aughrim on dingys are as yet unconfirmed though.

GAA Current Account

Two games yeilded 130,000 people alone, Croker & Thurles. add that to the 70 odd thousand that went to the rest of the games and it left the GAA with a nice little pay packet for HQ. I wonder what 5% of it is…?

Bad Week

Kieran Donaghy/Kerry

As Kerry waits on the outcome of Donaghy’s injury, questions were asked in the latter end of their Qualifier against Longford. Only back from a long layoff, he fell awkwardly (as a longford played fell awkwardly on him) and once off, Kerry had nothing to show up front.

Ger Brennan

We’ll wait and see. But his reaction to Donnelly’s wind-up could leave him watching the majority of Dublin’s Championship from the stands.

Tomas O’Flatharta

Bad week? Bad year. O’Flatharta stepped down as Westmeath manager after 4 years in charge following their 10 Point arrears to Meath. 2009 saw a massive decline in the County with injuries & players stepping down, atrocious league campaign and the defeat to their biggest rivals on their own turf. It was never going to be a Happy Ending.

Ulster Football 

A third Ulster team will have to travel to Fortress Aughrim™ in as many weeks. Forget Hill 16, theirs nothing more intimidating than The Car Park End™.

Again.

And the country holds its breath.

Again.

I mean, we just don’t know what they are going to come out with this time, do we? I just pray to the livin’ jaysus that someone upgraded Lenihan’s Abacus to a Calculator.

But if we look on it with the view that the Government are going to mess up once again (God Forbid) it leaves us with one burning question;

Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country. And let’s face it; the government are not doing much for us at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking sides, I think the opposition of full of idiots too.

But where do we go?

Let’s look at GAA, how can we budget to earn extra money? The €€€’s that will save us all and lead us not into temptation, em, again…

Well, I would like to present to you Wicklow GAA Online’s 2009 GAA Budget. We will be looking to generate enough money to reduce the deficit by at least 50% over the next 6 Months.

• A €2 Tax on every winning point the Kilkenny Hurlers add to their winning margin in this years Championship. This is expected to add €3,500,000 by September.

• A €2 Tax on every losing point the Kilkenny footballers see added to their losing margin during first half of the year. This is expected to add €47,300,000 by May.

• A tax rate of 23% on all players who have taken up the game of Aussie Rules. A further €50 Levy for every scrap they partake in, in each game.

• We will introduce a Strike Levy of €10,000. While short term will not yield a lot of money, expected contribution from Cork GAA will see our total over the next 10 years rise to €120,000.

• An expectation levy to be introduced in Dublin. Every fan that hints, or implies Dublin will win Sam Maguire, will have to pay €5 each time it’s uttered. All levies will be refunded should Dublin win the All-Ireland. No financial loss expected.

• A €0.50c tax on every word the Evening Herald devotes to said Dublin Senior Football Team over the next 6 months. Expected to generate €55,000 per day.

• Investment will be withdrawn on Carlow GAA’s proposed plan to clone Thomas Walsh. Instead, step ladders will be provided for all their midfielders.

• Tipperary Footballers to be moved up to a new 51% Tax band after having the cheek to go up to Division 2. This Government likes to do things slowly, and so should they.

• €3,000,000 Levy to be imposed on Tyrone. For just being Tyrone.

• Transport costs are to be cut by moving Leitrim to a more accessible part of the country. Proposed locations are, Carlow, Wexford or the Irish Sea.

• Match Programmes price to increase by 33%, be two pages, and have incorrect details in them. Sorry, already in practise. Scratch that one.

• Aughrim to be opened up to other sports. And then locked to make sure they can’t get out to play them.

• The continued counselling of the Waterford Senior Hurlers, ongoing since September 2008, to cease, saving an expected €500,000. (Option to resume should they face Kilkenny in 2009 Championship)

• Clare Hurling to be hit with a Whining Levy for every time they voice concerns over Corks inability (or not wanting) to field a decent side against every one bar them.

• All proceeds of Graham Geraghty’s new book, ‘Why You’ll Vote For Me This Time; a Philosophical and Theological look at Why I Hate Dublin’, generated from sales outside Croke Park on his return to Inter County Football (from his seventh retirement), to generate €20.

• €1,000,000 to be placed on The Wicklow Senior Football Team to win the Leinster Championship this year. Because we’re worth it.

This concludes GAA Budget 2009. In closing, we’d just like to say we’re all screwed. There’s nothing you can do about it. And the opposition are no better than us.

GAA HQ must be delighted.

What better way to push Gaelic Football & Hurling in this country than by sitting every kid in the country down and getting them to watch the full ninety minutes of the boys in green playing soccer against Bulgaria.

Don’t get me wrong, you have lads who try their heart out, and work their socks off. But could Trap have more negative tactics? Why not go for that second goal against Bulgaria?

And yes, I was one of those who thought he was going to be deadly, but now the dreaded Monster that is Hindsight has reared its greasy head and kicked me in the reaches of my nether.

It’s just a crying shame that yet again someone from cork is on a self enforced exile from the National Team and that the Guitar playing, happy-go-burger-king that is Andy Reid is still in the corner Trap put him in.

Ok, ok, we got a draw against Italy. Which frustrated me even more. Once Trap was in the full glare of the Italian media against Lippi, he suddenly realised that he was allowed make substitutions. Thank God for GAA I say.

The greatest spectacle on Earth.

Speaking of spectacles, anyone see those Muppets in London at G20? I don’t mean the Muppets sitting around the table talking about saving the world. No.

I mean the Muppets who attacked a bank and police while talking about saving the world.

This annoyed me. This really, really annoyed me. We are all angry with what is happening. How things have been managed and mismanaged and what have you.

But to attack a bank which has staff in their who had nothing to do with the crisis? That were just doing their job?

Idiots.

I was so annoyed, I went onto their website: and emailed them.

Here is what I sent:

_____________________________________________________________

“Dear Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,

I regret to inform you your application for Saviours of the World has failed to pass stage one of the interview process.

I mean. It’s astonishing how ridiculous you look. Really, it is. Your idiocy and ignorance is there for the world wide media to see. I mean, for God sake, will you lot at least wash yourselves before you storm the city. First impressions are very important.

If I see a baying mob charging down the street, filthy, fake blood and spouting rubbish from their Oxford educated mouths; I will not respect them. I will not listen to them. I will write an annoyed email to them.

And what do you do?

Attack a bank?

Attack a bank?

Why not attack a school when you’re miffed off at the Minister for Education?

Destroy a train because the minister for transport won’t answer your letters?

Hell, go the distance and beat the crap out of a cow because you got a dodgy burger. You do realise the fear you put into the lives of many people who are just doing their job in RBS yesterday?

The people who caused this crisis are not the tellers or front line staff in branches.

They are the heads of the banks. The ones that make the decisions.

Yet you decide to break a few windows.

Trying to ‘take the bank’ indeed.

Too many movies, son, too many movies. Too many scruffy idiots who think they are part of Fight Club and who look like they should be part of Mad Max

Do you think you are on a crusade that will actually change anything? Do your really think Obama is going to see the images of hate that you portrayed yesterday and go, “Oh Gordon, hang on! All the w’ittle people ouw there don’ like us. We bedder do wot they say.”

Where was your little group when things were going well?

I didn’t see the marching up parliament square saying, “Oy, no! Em, maybe we should watch out? Yeah? Just in case. You know? Our current spending and borrowing could put our country at risk. Just thought I’d mention that. Anyway, off to watch The Young Ones and listen to Cliff Richard. See you in a few years.”

Why not try something a little more civil? That doesn’t involve violence? Doesn’t involve spreading fear in a society that is already trying to manage fear as best it can? Why not try a shower? A wash?

Oh bless. You tried your best. God help you, it wasn’t very good but you tried your best. But what of you now? Off to picket BBC because you are not happy with the choice of the new Doctor Who? Storm Granada Studios over Corries latest plot line? What will you do when you run out of causes to protest for?

You’ll have to pull up your trousers, buy a bar of soap, and try and work your way through this like the rest of us.

Your dear friend and supporter,
Big Bird.

Visit my website (just don’t bloody protest down it)

www.sesamestreet.org”

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I haven’t heard anything back yet. I’m sure they are actively searching for my address to see if they can protest down it. Or maybe they do actually think I am Big Bird.

It beggars belief.

shane@wicklowgaaonline.com